A SHAME-FREE PLACE TO EXPLORE WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU LOVE.
THERAPY FOR GAY MEN IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU’VE GOTTEN GOOD AT BEING EASY TO LOVE. THIS IS WHERE YOU LEARN TO STAKE OUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY NEED.
Maybe you’ve never quite felt at home in the gay community you always thought were supposed to belong to. The party scene, the apps, the easy confidence that seems to come so naturally to everyone around you. You’ve wondered if something is wrong with you for not wanting it, or for wanting something so different from what you see reflected back.
Maybe you’ve found your people, but still feel like you’re watching from a distance. Like, no matter how much you give, how easy you make yourself to be around, the fear that you could be left is always somewhere underneath.
Or maybe you’re doing fine by most measures. A career, friends, a relationship or the pursuit of one. But there’s a version of yourself you keep managing, a part of you that has needs and wants and feelings that you’ve learned to keep quiet.
Feel FAMILIAR?
CARETAKING AND PUTTING OTHERS FIRST UNTIL YOU’VE LOST TRACK OF WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT
KEEPING YOURSELF “CHILL” BECAUSE HAVING NEEDS FEELS LIKE A LIABILITY
REACHING FOR REAL CONNECTION BUT PULLING BACK WHEN THINGS GET CLOSE
A QUIET SENSE THAT YOUR DESIRES, YOUR IDENTITY, YOUR FULL SELF IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH OR NOT ENOUGH
Here’s what we’ll do together
THERAPY DESIGNED for GAY MEN CAN HELP.
It may feel impossible right now, but you can learn to know what you want and actually ask for it. You can stop compensating and start building a life that actually fits. You can have relationships that don’t require you to be smaller than you are.
As a gay man myself, I bring something to this work that goes beyond clinical training. I know what it’s like to navigate spaces that weren’t built for you. I know what it means to do the work of becoming who you actually are, not who you were told to be. That lived experience shapes how I show up. I’m not going to pathologize your community or your culture. And I’m not going to let you off the hook, either.
My approach draws on Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic awareness, and attachment theory. I’m directive and curious. We’ll investigate together, I’ll ask a lot of questions, and I’ll give you honest, compassionate feedback along the way.
My approach comes from a place of recognition: believing that the parts of you that learned to hide and manage did exactly what they needed to do. And that you’ve outgrown them.
YOU CAN STOP SHRINKING AND PERFORMING. THIS IS WHERE YOU START BECOMING WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE.
From caretaking to self-trust. From managing to actually asking. From performing to finally feeling like yourself.
THERAPY FOR GAY MEN CAN HELP YOU:
Get curious about patterns that keep you stuck.
Together, we will look for the patterns that have been running the show: where they came from, what they’re protecting, and what they’re costing you.
01
Build trust with all your parts.
We will cultivate a more compassionate inner world so you can begin to build trust with the parts of you that learned to hide, manage, and perform so you could stay safe and loved.
02
Develop real tools to take care of yourself.
Most of us weren’t taught how to respond to our emotions. Here we will develop real tools to stay grounded when you’re activated, so you’re not always reacting from the most flooded version of yourself.
03
Find clarity in what you want and need in your life.
Get clearer on what you actually want in relationships and in your life, and practice the assertiveness and self-trust that make going after it possible.
04
Change is possible.
I’LL HELP YOU GET THERE.
FAQs
COMMON QUESTIONS
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Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is an evidence-based approach that understands the mind as made up of different “parts.” You might recognize these as the part of you that wants real connection and the part that shuts down when things get too close. Or the part that takes care of everyone else while another part quietly resents it. In our sessions, we’ll get curious about these parts rather than fighting them. The goal isn’t to get rid of any part of you. It’s to build enough internal trust that they don’t have to run the show anymore. Most clients find it clarifying and, often, a significant relief.
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I’m a directive therapist, which means I won’t just sit quietly and nod. I’ll ask pointed questions, offer honest observations, and sometimes say “look over here” when I think something is worth examining. But I’m not here to tell you who to date, whether to stay in a relationship, or what your life should look like. What I will do is help you figure out what you actually want, and get out of your own way enough to go after it.
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That depends on what you’re bringing and what you want to work on. Some clients come in with a specific issue and feel ready to move on after several months. Others are working on longer-standing patterns and find that a year or more gives them the depth they’re looking for. I’ll be honest with you about where I think we are throughout, and we’ll make decisions about pacing collaboratively.
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Reach out to schedule a free consultation. We’ll spend about 20 minutes getting to know each other. You can ask me anything, and I’ll ask you some questions to understand what’s bringing you in and what you’re hoping for. If we both feel like it’s a good fit, we’ll schedule our first session from there.